We planned and God laughed- A birth story.

Ladies and Gentlemen, 

I am not pregnant anymore!!!! At 39 weeks 5 days, Mr. Holden Stephens Mikulin decided to finally make his appearance into this world on Wednesday, 3/13/13, at 7:28pm, measuring 8lbs 6oz and 19.5 inches long!

Not my prettiest picture, but I was in labor so shut up. 

That is the short story. 

The long story goes a little more like this. Be prepared for TMI. 

At 4:00 on Tuesday morning, I woke up to pee for like the 12th time that night. As I laid back down, I had a feeling that can only be described as "Whoa, I wasnt done!" followed by "Um....wait a second. That was something different." I jumped out of bed to check, and lo and behold, my water had broken. It was just a little so as I was pacing the bathroom, I googled it to make sure (yes, I googled "I think my water just broke"). After reading enough to freak myself out, I laid back down for about 30 minutes and realized that it wasnt really stopping. So I sat up, and as quietly as I could, whispered to Mark "Babe....I think my water just broke." To say Mark shot up was an understatement. He sat straight up and asked "Really? How do you know?" to which I answered "Um, because it did?". And then all the fun started. 

Since it was about 5 in the morning, Mark and I tried to get some rest, knowing that we were going to need it. We started timing my contractions, which were mild and consistent at 15 minutes apart. I (obviously) couldnt sleep so we just laid in bed and monitored my contractions and tried to relax. Around 6 we called the midwife who told us to do what we were doing and let her know when they are 5 minutes apart. And around 8 am we decided to go ahead and call the family to let them know what was going on. Mind you that the contractions were still only 10-15 minutes apart. But getting stronger. 

For the better part of Tuesday we did everything we planned on doing while laboring at home- We watched Beauty and the Beast, we worked on a puzzle, we watched another movie (Knocked Up seemed appropriate), I bounced on my birthing ball, I took a shower, I changed into my "labor outfit", ect. Around noon, I went into the birthing center to check how things were going and to their surprise, my "water breaking" wasn't really my water breaking. APPARENTLY, there are 2 water sacks (who knew!) and only my outer bag had broken and Holden was still very comfortable in the inner sack. But yes, I was in early labor fo sho. Still every 10-15 minutes apart. This required another round of phone calls to all the family members who were eagerly waiting to hear when to hurry up and wait. 

Around 2 in the afternoon, my best friend, and acting Doula, came to the house to be with us. To which we decided to watch another movie, hang out outside for a while, bounce on that damn birthing ball some more, and try to get some stuff moving. Around 8 that evening, I was STILL only 10-15 minutes apart. The midwife called to check on me and suggested getting some dinner and trying to lay down to rest, because I was definitely going to need it now that I had been in labor for so long. So we had some Chinese food and all three of us set up in our room, totally slumber party-style. 

Throughout the night, my contractions FINALLY started getting closer together and definitely started getting hardcore stronger. When they were about 7 minutes apart, around 1 in the morning, I was definitely feeling it and needed both Mark and Kendall to help me relax and push through each one. Side note- counter pressure when you have back labor is heaven. Heaven heaven heaven. Around 2 in the morning, my contractions were finally 5 minutes apart. After one stretch of what felt like 3 contractions right on top of each other, I was oh-so-ready for Mark to call the birthing center so I could come in. All I could think about was the tub. I wanted so badly to be able to get in the tub so I could relax a little bit. 

We finally got the ok to come into the birthing center where I found out a few downers:

1- The room we had chosen was taken by another woman in labor. So we had to settle for our second choice, the "Music Room". (Read: Cliche posters and guitar hanging on the wall. Blah.) 

2- There was no TV in the room. I needed some distractions. 

3- I was only 3 cm and could not get into the tub until I was 4-5 cm dilated. Laaaame. 

So as our midwife explained, we couldnt get in the tub quite yet so she was going to let us chill for about an hour while she was with the other girl and check back with us later. Then she said "Oh let me check his heartbeat while Im here." which she did. And thats when the you-know-what hit the fan. 

His heartbeat sounded weird- a regular irregular heartbeat. It sounded like one-two-three-pause, one-two-three-pause. Think about it like he was working on his 3/4 rhythm. I could tell by the look on my midwife's face that something was off. She said that she didnt like the sound of it and wanted to get a second opinion so she called St David's hospital. When she returned I knew that I was going to be transferred before she even said anything. She went on to explain that the Drs wanted to keep me continuously monitored, which was unable to happen at the birthing center. Although it was best for the baby, it broke my heart knowing that the biggest aspect of our birth plan- the location- was not going to happen. 

After that, the transfer and getting checked into the hospital was somewhat of a whirl-wind. I had my eyes closed the entire drive to the hospital, trying to find my "safe spot" and ignore that I was stuck in a sitting position for the oncoming contractions. I was wheeled into a room, told to change into a smock, and got set up with an IV. The nurse was having a hard time finding a vein (I still have a horrible bruise 2 weeks later) while the other was asking me every question possible all while I was having massive contractions 3/4 minutes apart. Horrible. Once I was all set up I met the doctor and the nurse who checked me and let me know that I had progressed to 4 cm. All I could think was that I would be able to get in the tub back in the birthing center where now there was no tub to be seen. Then another thought crossed my mind. By this point I had been in labor for 24 hours and I was only at a 4. I wasnt even half way there. 

The amazing people from the birthing center made sure that I had a birthing assistant with me at all times. It was very reassuring knowing that I had someone from the center there to help make my birth experience the closest to what we had planned in the beginning. The Dr from the hospital knew we were a transfer from the birthing center and wanted to respect the fact that we wanted to go all natural so after he checked me they left me alone until I needed them. For the next 4 hours I took a shower, walked the halls in the hospital, bounced some more, and pretty much did all I could to progress to a 10 naturally. 

After around 4 hours, I was contracting so bad that I threw up. The birthing assistant told me that it was a good sign because that meant I was probably getting ready. Note- this was the one and only time I threw up my entire pregnancy! The nurse informed the Dr who came in to check my progress. I was anxious to hear where I was, thinking I would be around a 7 or 8, depending on how much pain I was in. The Dr came in and said "Well, lets see where we are after 29 hours......oh." And thats when he let me know I had only progressed to 4.5 cm. After all that work and pain, I only progressed half a centimeter. All the air went out of the room by that point. He spoke with the nurse and looked over my notes and suggested that we start a pitocin drip to get the progress going, seeing as my risk of C-Section was rising with each hour. And thats when I started to cry. I still wasn't even half way there. 

I knew that he was right, that the baby and I were both risking a C-section if I continued to progress so slowly but I knew that the pitocin would bring on the contractions harder, faster, and stronger. By this point I was already exhausted and in excruciating pain every 3 minutes. It took Mark and I a long private talk in restroom to come to the decision that yes, I was going to need the intervention and yes, I was going to need an epidural to go with it. I felt as if my birth plan was not only being thrown out the window, but shredded, burnt, and pissed on beforehand. 

Even though I decided to go with the interventions, I was bawling and extremely frustrated with myself. I felt like a complete failure that I had succumb to everything I had been against literally the day before. It took the birthing assistant to tell me "There is a reason for these interventions. You are not abusing them. There is labor pains, and labor suffering, and you are definitely crossing that line. All the midwives back at the center agree that you need both. You've gone almost 30 hours naturally. You have done amazing. And you are definitely not a failure." She truly helped me so much to feel better about the decision. I feel so blessed that she was there. So after almost exactly 30 hours, and me cussing the anesthesiologist for taking so damn long (I had VERY much come to terms with the interventions by that point), I received both the pitocin and the epidural. I have never in my life been so glad to get a shot. Ever. Ever ever ever. 

I wish I could say I pushed him out after the 2 hour nap I managed to get after the epidural kicked in. BUT...

After a few more hours I was checked and the pitocin was definitely working because I was at 7cm. It felt good knowing lil man was on his way! But we still had some work to do. So Mark, Kendall, the birth assistant, and I watched The Hunger Games, seriously discussed living on a commune, and I visited with my family bit by bit. Once the Dr checked and noticed I was at a 9 he also noticed that the baby was looking straight up- oh yay, another hurdle. We had to turn him around so I was instructed to lie on my left side to encourage him to turn. Once I did, his heart rate dropped. Not good. The nurse decided to have me turn back and turn off the pitocin to give him a break. After an hour (and 2 episodes of Hoarders that I hadnt seen yet) we tried again. I was informed that by this point if his heart rate dropped again, that meant automatic C-section. So I prayed. This time, he did just fine and the next time the Dr checked not only had he rotated to face down, I was finally at 10 cm. 

The Dr wanted me to "labor down" a while before we started pushing so we waited one more hour to let my body get the baby as far down as we could. And even though I was feeling some pressure, we waited until it was strong enough and didnt go away with each contraction break. At 7:00 I was told I could start pushing. The Dr said "Well we may have some work ahead of us. 1st time mothers average 2 hours of pushing." To which my response was "Im in charge now. Lets do this." 

20 minutes later I met the most beautiful boy I had ever laid my eyes on. My first words to him were "Hi, Im your mom. Ive been waiting a really long time for you." My life will never be the same. 

I cannot believe that it took almost 40 hours but he is here now and we are so in love with him. Not one part of my birthing plan panned out but it was a very humbling experience where I learned that I cannot control everything, all the time. And an even bigger lesson that my son is now totally in charge now. And thats ok! Being a mom is already the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has forced me to give up power and let someone else be in charge. I also dont worry about the small things so much anymore. My hair and make up are the last thing on my mind and my baby boy's comfort is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night (and through the night). 

Mark and I are so so so happy, honestly the happiest we have ever been. We thank God every day for bringing Holden into our lives and making sure he is healthy. I cannot wait to see what happens on this crazy ride called Parenthood and see how much better life can get! 

Lots of love, 

Susannah, Mark, and (finally free!) Holden Mikulin

How I've FELT lately.

Haha, oh puns! How I love them. What else do I love right now? Felt! I know it sounds cray cray but its my favorite craft fabric at the moment. The other day I was getting my exercising in by walking around JoAnns and other stores when I stumbled upon the Easter goods. After looking at most of it, I realized that I could make almost each piece myself. For way cheaper! So I decided to do so. Starting with my son's 1st Easter basket.

I know he isn't even here yet but he better damn well be by Easter or I will physically harm someone. Im not even kidding. And I also know that Im going to be too tired to make this project when he DOES show up. So after snagging a basic basket at Goodwill I thought about what I was going to make to spoil my lil man. Something that Mark and I want to make sure Holden is subjected to is books. Lots and lots of books! Honestly, we are hoping he can read by the time he gets into school. *FINGERS CROSSED* So I decided to make 2 felt books for the babes- Colors and Shapes.

Fun thing about felt is its super soft. Say...soft enough for a newborn to play with? Why, yes! So here's how I made 'em!

 Cut (8) felt pieces 6" x 4.5"

Cut out design and hot glue into place. I will say I attempted to sew design but that took WAY too long and glue was just as easy. And I think it looked cleaner too. 

Blanket stitch 2 pages (front and back) together with a thick thread to make less flimsy.

Once you're all done with the pages, blanket stitch the ENTIRE book together. 

Done! 

Here's the final product! 

I did the exact same thing for the Shapes Book. I think they came out super cute! 

For Holden's Easter basket, I needed some sort of "grass" but I hate- HATE- that plastic grass that gets everywhere and is super cheap looking. So instead, I lined it with dark and light green felt cut like grass and just stuffed the bottom with green pieces to give it body. I also weaved light blue ribbon over the handle and tied it with a bow. I like the way it came out! 

Contents: My 2 felt books, a "My 1st Easter" bib, a security blanket, a bath puppet, an elephant hanging toy,  a baby tie, and a "What is Easter" book (its behind the bib). 

Once I got going on my felt kick, I decided to make an Easter wreath for our front door. Here it is! 

This was also pretty easy to make too. I used a basic foam wreath from my local craft store, the felt I had, thick thread, hot glue, batting, and floral wire. 

First, I cut out the shapes I wanted on the wreath. I slip stitched the middles of the flowers, the duck wings, and the bunny's ears. Then I blanket stitched around each piece and before I was completely done, I stuffed it with just a touch of batting and finished stitching it up. 

I wrapped the wreath with light green felt strips and added the floral wire. Then I hot glued the pieces and TA-DA! All done!! 

Welp, that was my fun week with felt. Im not gonna lie, blanket stitching everything is a touch time consuming. Although, Im supposed to be resting and getting ready for lil man to get here. So laying in bed and crafting these were a fun way to do so. Hopefully this wasnt too long or boring and gives others some inspiration to use felt to create some fun projects! I have a crap ton of felt left over so I can only imagine what else I come up with. Yay imagination!!

Lots of love,
Susannah Joy

Week 38

We are in the single digit countdown people! 9 days until D Day! Ok, so I know that "technically" its best to let lil man come out when he is good and ready....BUUUT....I am good and ready! Doesnt that count for something? I have been trying everything I can think of to get this baby OUT! Red raspberry leaf tea, evening primrose oil, Ive been eating pineapple, spicy food, oregano, Ive been walking, doing jumping jacks (ok I only did 3 but still), bouncing on my birthing ball, EV-ER-Y-THING. It really doesnt help that 5 babies have been born in my "acquaintance" circle in the last week! 5!! 2 of those babies were due on my same due date and the day after.....sooooo.....yeah, its safe to come out whenever you're ready kid. I will say that all 5 of those babies were C-sections which is A-nuts and B-my biggest fear so I am just fine with letting Holden come out when he is good and ready to avoid growing a very high C-section rate in this country. Even if that means staying uncomfortable for a little while longer.

**Disclaimer** I am aware that there are times when a C-section is absolutely necessary and I do not judge anyone because at the end of the day, a healthy baby brought into this world is all that matters. BUT education is power and there IS a reason why our rates for these operations are so high (and many times, unnecessary). Please check out documentaries "The Business of Being Born" and "Pregnant in America" on netflix if you can! So informative!! 

Anyways, Im still pregnant and I dont wanna be anymore. Everything in the house is set up and ready to go- seriously all we need is the baby itself. Plus Im not the only one getting antsy *cough*family*cough*. We are ALL ready to meet the newest member of our family. I have been getting a lot of irregular Braxton Hicks contractions lately so we decided to go ahead and put me on maternity leave. Which is bittersweet because we have BIG things coming up for 11:11 Events and I wanna help! Im sure Ill still do some work, because....well, Im crazy that way. I just keep myself busy by cleaning the house and crafting. Im gonna post about the fun stuff Ive created with my newest obsession- FELT! I know, sounds nuts but honestly, you can make the cutest baby stuff outta felt! 

Alrighty, welp here's the bump and FAQs:

Ser-i-ous-ly.

How far along? 38 weeks 5 days

Maternity clothes? Maxi skirts and maternity tops. Errday. 

Stretch marks? Still a nope! 

Sleep: Unlike my husband, who can fall asleep in .4 seconds, I take WAY longer to fall asleep. Only to be awakened by needing to pee 5 minutes later.

Best moment this week: We got hooked up at the farmers market last Saturday! Everyone was so sweet to give us free produce "for the baby". It was really awesome. 

Miss Anything? I seriously miss being able to relax and lie on my back.

Movement: He still hiccups a lot, but now his squirming includes very recognizable body parts. I swear I can feel feet and elbows! 

Food cravings: Anything and Everything from the farmers market! This week- salads made of butter lettuce, rainbow chard, kale, and broccoli sprouts.....super fresh pasteurized goat cheese with  local honey on toast....and brocollini cole slaw! 

Anything making you queasy or sick: I get a touch nauseous if I eat big meals so keeping it small and frequent. 

Gender: My lil man! 

Labor Signs: Yes, just wish they were coming in regular intervals. 

Symptoms: Same as last week- tired, hungry, uncomfortable....

Belly Button in or out? No change, still flat. I knew it wouldnt pop out! 

Wedding rings on or off? Still around my neck. 

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy as I have been. I was actually REALLY happy to find out Holden will have a friend to meet in the end of Nov/Early Dec! But my lips are sealed other than that for right now! But- AUGH!!! SO EXCITED! 

Looking forward to: Getting. This. Baby. OUT! 

Hopefully we have a birth story to share soon!!

Lots of love, 

Susannah, Mark, and Holden